i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I skipped work to stalk him.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
