You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just had sex bonerless
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize