if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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