I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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