'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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