She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
