im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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