Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
