my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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