my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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