everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
