Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
