I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
