Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
