margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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