What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
