On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
