a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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