R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I puked a lego.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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