This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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