Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
