I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
