not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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