He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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