I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
