i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
