I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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