I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
