My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize