"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
