i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
