How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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