if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
