as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
