Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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