im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
