yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
