i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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