that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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