I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
