does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wish you could order shots online.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize