definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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