I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize