dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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