This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
