My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
