dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
