Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we're making bets on your personal life
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
