My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
