My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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