Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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