You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
