I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
