Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
