you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
