I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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