If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
