There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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