Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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