Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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