It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
