I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The power of my boobs compel you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
