ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
