Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
