the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
