I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
