the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
