You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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